Today's Oxy-moron.

Yes, I am one of those people now.  I heart stabalization meds.  I mean I really REALLY heart the meds i am taking.  And no, I am not talking about Midol or Pamprin.  Thanks to an intuitive mother who INSISTED that I see a crisis doctor immediately, I am on some very very heavy duty anti-anxiety meds.  The big league.  I have spent my life protesting medicating people.  Guess I'll just chalk this one up to eating more "I will never......" words.  My mouth has become quite full of those bold naieve claims from early in my innocent life.  (Ok, so we all know I didn't have an "innocent" live, but that is neither here nor there)

I guess this makes me a hypocrite considering that it was drugs that started this whole downward spiral. And if I hate anything with all my heart and soul right now, it would be drugs.   Not sure if it make a difference that my drugs are legal and for stabilization while his were illegal and used as an escape from reality.  Either way, if these meds I am on take away the burning desire to smash dishes through the window, scrub the sewer with his toothbrush, or slash the tires on his car, then I will wear the scarlet letter H on my forehead with pride.  And they do.  I guess Mom still knows best and has the final say even when you are 31 years old.

So here is my confession.....  Hi, my name is Jenn.  I am a hypocrite, but at least I am a stabilized   hypocrite and I am not typing this using my nose while being restrained in a straight jacket at UNI.


Thank you god that I am not typing this from the coockoo house.