Our First Snow

How much fun is snow.  Especially when Grandma Johnson gives you sweet rain boots that double as snow boots.  I love this first picture because Sasha is catching snowflakes on her tongue.  I love having her home with me on Tue and Thur.  I am working towards 5 days a week.  I love this girl. She is my mini me and we dance all day when we are home together.  I love you Sasha.  You and your brother give me a purpose to life and I can't imagine life without you. 

I love you - Mommy.

Nobody seems to care.........

Yes, JJ, this is our song..... you know the one.....  this is the one that we have had the most intimitate moments listening to.  Well,  I am listening to it right now.  I am listening to it and am terrified of the feelings it would flood through my body, but you know what.....

This is amazing....  I realized that every second......Every second.  Every intimate moment.  Every kiss.  Every giggle.  Every secret.  Every word.  Every breath I gave you was real.  I gave you everything.  And this gives me peace.  I am broken that we didn't share the same intensity or level of honesty, but I am at peace with the fact that every last word, promise and breath you were given from me was real.  It was my gift to you.  My love for you was something that I felt so strongly about that I was willing to put myself in a place of total vulnerability to make it happen.

It is devastating that the story ended this way because I wanted to save those moments for someone who apprecieated them to the fullest, but I can sleep at night because I know that I gave you everything.......EVERYTHING.

I love you,  I always will, but I love the fact that I love myself enough to walk away from someone who doesn't appreciate the magic in my soul.  I am made of magical things and if you don't see that, then I must walk away.  And I do it with peace, and pride.

Thank you for the wonderful times.  Thank you for the memories we have shared.  Thank you for the beautiful daughter that you have given me.  I am sad that you could not give me yourself, but I am at peace because I gave you me.   All of me.  And the best part is I still have all of me to give to someone who will appreciate it for what it is.  And I am ready  to move on to that stage of my life.  I may need some time to lick my wounds, but someone very lucky is just about to share the love of their life with me and my beautiful family.

Again, I love you.  I hope you can learn to love yourself the way that I love you.

And guess what.......  "nobody seems to care" is a hell of a song, but a crock of shit, because JJ...... everyone seems to care.....  I hope you can find that in your heart.