I knew that I wanted to speak at my son's funeral (stillborn at 24 weeks), but could not for the life of me find the right words. You can imagine my frustration as a writer getting writers block at the most important writing moment of my life.
I finally wandered outside around 2AM to lay on the grass and look up at the stars around. The service was in 8 hours and I still had no idea what I was going to say. As I lay there looking into the heaven and thinking about my sweet baby, all the sudden I was flooded with words. It was as if my little angel was channeling words through me. I grabbed my pen and paper and scribbled as quickly as I could to get it all down.
After I finished, I read back through it and it took my breath away. It is a letter written from my angel baby, to me, from heaven. It was very powerful and healing for me. I have been wanting to find a way to make it into a children's book and donate it to the high risk maternity wards for women who loose their babies too early. Below is the talk I gave, exactly as I gave it.
Most of you know that the written word speaks to me in ways even I do not understand. Writing for me is the deepest form of communication. Thoughts and feelings flow from my pen onto the paper sometimes without my own knowledge of what is happening. The words I have produced here have brought me much comfort and I believe they are the words of my son. They are very special to me, and I would like to share them with you.
Dear Mommy,
It was not long ago that God came to me and told me it was my turn to go to earth. I was so excited. I have been looking forward to this for a long time. He sat me on his lap and told me that my journey was going to be a little different than normal. I had been assigned a very elite mission. I asked him if that was like an adventure. He smiled and nodded silently. I got very excited because I love adventures. You never know what is going to happen. In heaven, there are not a lot of surprises. It seems like everyone knows everything around here.
God told me I needed to pick my mommy very carefully. He said she needed to be compassionate and caring. Her heart should be strong, and she should be very brave because there would be a lot of things she did not understand. I knew right away who to pick. I have been watching you for a long time and I think you are the best mommy a boy could ever have. God beamed as if he knew I was going to pick you. (He probably did because he knows everything). He kissed me on the nose and said I had made an outstanding choice.
He called upon all of his strongest angels and told them to gear up for a very important assignment. (Mommy, God gave you his best angels. I know because I have seen them work. They are amazing). He instructed them to take extra special care of you. This was to be done around the clock, he said. He even has an extra angel that is always on call, just in case one of the regulars gets sick. I've never seen an angel get sick, but I guess God wanted to be prepared for anything. That's his job, you know.
Guess what he told me then, Mom. He said when I get back from my journey that I can get my wings. You know, not all angels have wings, only those who have come back home. I'm so excited to get wings mommy. I have been waiting for such a long time. Do you know how angel's wings work? I hoe it's not supposed to be a secret, but I just have to tell you. Angel wings are built with Love. Every time you help someone to feel Love, another feather is added to your wings. The more feathers you have, the higher and faster you can fly. I want to have the most feathers so I can fly the fastest of all the angels in heaven. There is no speed limit in heaven, and sometimes the angels get together to race. They say that everyone is a winner, but I think they just have to say that because it is heaven and they don't want anyone to feel bad. I can't wait to show them how fast I am.
The other day I got to try on my Daddy's wings. They are so big! My Daddy must love a lot of people because his wings are twice as big as me! I sure do love my Daddy. Sometimes he gets sad, but that is when I hug is heart the hardest. I like it when he dances, I think he is a good dancer. I can't wait to dance with my Daddy someday. He would love the music here. Music in heaven is different. It comes from your heart. Sometimes we dance all day and then we roll around in the clouds. I like to dance barefoot on the clouds because it tickles my toes and makes me giggle. I love to laugh.
I have seen your wings too Mom. They are beautiful. Everyday someone puts a new feather on them, so you must be teaching a lot of people about love. That is why I picked you, because you understand.
I am so happy in heaven Mommy. I have so many friends and everyone is so nice. Nobody ever tries to make you fell bad or say mean things. It is magic. Someday you will see. Guess what else Mom; in heaven everyone gets a kitten. If you want one. Not everyone wants a kitten, but I have one. His name is Sunshine because he makes me feel warm and happy. I can't wait for you to meet him. I get to eat popcicles for breakfast if I wants too, and nobody ever makes me take bath. You don't need baths in heaven because everything is so clean. Sometimes I take baths just because I like the bubbles. (But I don't ever wash behind my ears. I think that is silly and only old people do that).
Guess what else Mom, God said I could be Zehn's guardian angel. I had to ask for help though because I am just a little angel, and it is such a big job. I love my big brother so much. He is so special. Look into his eyes when he laughs and you will see a reflection of me. Do you want to know a secret? Zehn is one of God's "earth" angels, and he knows who I am.
Thank you for my name. Dominic John Klimowicz. It fits me perfectly.
My first name, Dominic, means "belonging to God". He is so pleased that you understand that we are all his children. Sometimes Mommys forget, and ask why God took their babies away from them. God is not angry, and he never wants to hurt anyone; he just has different plans for different people. But it is still hard someitmes to remember.
My middle name, John, after my poppa, is absolutely perfect. He is such a great man. He has come so far and is a pillar of love. I am so proud of him. He is my special Poppa (thumbs up). Mommy, I am glad I could help you find your way back to his home and into his heart. I know how much you love your Daddy. I am so honored to carry his name.
My last name, Klimowicz, is my Daddy's name. It is kind of hard to say, and even harder to spell. I have been practicing it for a while. Some of my friends still can't say it. Thak you Dad for our name. We can make it stand for anything we want. We can take pride in knowing that in our home, Klimowicz means Love, and Family.
Mommy, I know that you are sad, because you want to hold me now. But I promise we will dance together someday. For now, I will wrap you in my new wings and hug your heart as tight as I can. There are no Band-Aids in heaven Mom, here we use tears. I know that sounds kind of funny. But in heaven, tears are for cleaning your heart when it is hurt. So, it is OK to cry, but don't forget to laugh, because you have such a wonderful life. Remember to say I Love You. These are the three most important words. Nothing else really matters.
Mommy, I know you have been worried about Uncle Mike. He is in good hands and God has sent special angels to be with him so he can be comforted, and understand my special mission. I am going to fly there with my new wings and leave some kisses in his heart. He will be ok, so you don't have to worry anymore.
Mommy, Daddy, Zehn, Poppa, Maaga, Uncke Mike, Aunt Aitch, Uncle Ty and Aunt Tiffy- Thank you for being so strong. I know this is very hard. I am so proud of you. And to the wonderful friends and family sitting in this room, and those who could not be here, Thank You. For your authentic Love, and amazing support towards my family not only in this challenging time, but every day.
My voice may be soft and quiet, but my message is strong and loud....
-This life is too short, you can't afford to wait; Tell someone you love them, before it is too late.
I love You - Dominic
In closing, I would like to thank my son for the inspiration he has given to me. As his mother I was supposed to give him the gift of life. Ironically it seems to be the other way around. I have been blessed with more than a child; I have been blessed with an angel of Love.
Dominic, I am at peace with where you are. I am honored that you chose me to be your mother. I do not understand everything, but I do understand enough to know that all is as it sould be. I know I will have the chance to hold you and teach you to ride a bike. You can teach me how to fly....
My solemn promise to you, my son, is to give myself fully in the service of Love. I will carry your message and share it daily with the world. You my rest in peace, my angel. Enjoy your wings.
I Love You - Mommy
Dominic John Klimowicz
delivered his message of Love
Sept 21st 2004
Sept 21st 2004
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