I have a theory on the meaning of life. Or more specifically, the unique experiences and moments each of us are blessed with. I am always amazed at how the events of my own life unfold. It is as if I am walking on a giant web of experiences and ideas. All interconnected in some way and each plays some part in supporting another.
I believe that every experience we have is given to us at the exact moment we are ready to maximize the benefit. Now, I know that many people will think "there is no way _______ experience had any benefit to my life or anyone else's life for that matter". Well, I disagree. I believe that when the student is ready, the teacher will appear. Now, what that student chooses to do with the moment is what some like to refer to as "free will". Now, this isn't to say that we consciously choose to ingnore the lessons or opportunities to grow, but possibly the experience is given to us for increased awareness alone.
I had an interesting moment this morning as I was cruising my ususal internet sites. Checking mail, checking Facebook, along with other routine glances. I noticed that a dear friend who used to be my roommate over 10 years ago in college, had accepted my friend request on Facebook. I have been looking for my old roommates on and off for months, but through another series of intertwined events, just now was able to find them.
Anyway, as I started looking over her profile and pictures my heart dropped to my stomach. There, on her Facebook page was a picture of the smallest baby I have ever seen in my life, next to mine. I felt like I had no breath and had to force myself to breath so as not to loose my breakfast. This baby of hers, born at 24 weeks gestation is now a healthy beautiful 11 month old baby boy with no medical problems whatsoever.
A rush of emotions flooded me as I was instantly time transported 5 years back to the day I gave birth to my beautiful son Dominic at 24 weeks gestational age. He, however was not meant to be an earth angel, like my old roommates baby, but instead went back to heaven to do angel work from another universal dimension.
Now, this is not an experience I have stuffed into the closet for 5 years refusing to deal with the reality. I actually have dealt with it openly for many years and have felt very peaceful about the outcome. That is why these emotions came as such a surprise to me this morning. Something inside of me fell apart and I began to feel sad and for a split second, almost resentful that her baby had been chosen to live and mine had not.
However, this thought left my mind as quickly as it had entered it. For I have given much practice over the years to my original declaration that every life experience has unique purpose and the true test is to find meaning in these experiences. In that moment, I remembered how blessed I am to have been given the experience of being the mother of an angel. I was very determined and inspired after that experience, but over the years I have let some of that determination fizzle out.
What an ironic and coincidental time for me to receive a surge of these feelings, right as I am moving forward with my passion and dream of reaching the masses through my blog. This was no accident and has given me another dose of inspiration to feed from.
I do not know where this will lead just like all the other very strange things that seem to be falling into place as I set this plan in motion. However, one thing I have learned as I have practiced mindfulness over the years while extracting lessons to both receive and teach, is that life is. That's all. The less I analyze and criticize, the more I am given and peace becomes my companion.
I welcome this experience and am anxious to see where it leads me and who comes along this journey with me. Thank you Lesha for feeding me my dose of inspiration today. You are an amazing woman and I love you dearly.
3 months ago