Bye Bye My Space

So I have taken every precaution  to make sure that I handled this situation with as much grace as humanly possible and feel like so far have been doing a pretty good job.

1 - I turned off my phone, put it in a box and sent it to my parents house to be mailed back to me when I was strong enough to turn it on again.  ( I tend to send very angry, vicious texts when I am hurting....and I am hurting....bad).  I felt like this was a good move. (notice I even wrote some inspirational words on the back of the package to remind me when I get it in the mail)  I love mail!!!!

2 - I joined a gym and have been to some very intense cardio dance classes including kickboxing, Zumba, and Hip Hop at least once a day, but am not afraid to go twice or three times if the moment calls for it. (plus it will give me a rockin bathing suit body just in time for snowpants).

3- I broke down and went to the doctor and got on meds.

4 - I have started reconnecting with old friends who are not quite the bandaids my kids, but have put a great deal of neosporin on my owies.....  I feel them starting to heal.

However,  I am now finding myself at the point in the greiving process where I am past my selfish anger and now want him to feel the pain.  And I mean FEEL THE PAIN.  I have a MySpace account that I have not used in over a year, as I am now a Facebook junkie.  However, I know he uses it on a daily basis.  I have found myself logging on the past couple days and making "posts" that if he just so happened to read, might stir up some anxiety in him the way I am suffocating in anxiety.

My posts have started to get meaner and meaner.  Today I decided to take the high road.  I am not a mean person, and I do not have to make him hurt in order for me to heal (although I'm not gonna lie, it does bring a fair amount of pleasure).  I am better than this and the only way for me to heal is through LOVE.  Hateful, hurtful posts do not fall under that category.

Since I have little self control (thus the phone sitting in a box in heber waiting to be mailed back) I made the decision........

5 - MySpace has to go.

I did it, and I feel great.  One step at a time.

Now I'm going to kickboxing.

Thank you all for your support and willingness to hold my heart in your hands as I work through this chapter of my life.  I love you.