Failed..

Gonna cave......  I miss him too much.

Miracles

God Bless Miracles...... you know who you are..........

Ha Ha Life!!!

I made 3 separate "play dates" today with 3 sets of people that I haven't seen in some time. They are some of my favorite people in this world, so I was looking forward to our play dates.

As luck would have it at this phase in my life, the phone I have been using got dropped while I was raking leaves and broke. Hahahahahaha. Not too big of a deal because I have been using our alternate number to block JJ's calls and avoid seeing or sending any hurtful text messages. Well, it has been 3 weeks now and I should be able to go back to my original phone and control myself, right?

The phone is in Heber being babysat by Grandma and Grandpa right now so I thought I would take a nice sunday drive up to retrieve my lonely abandoned phone. I grabbed my purse and checked my wallet for my bank card knowing I would need to get gas..........No Card.

Thank you Sasha.. I am sure she has hidden it somewhere as this is one of her favorite 'tricks' to play on Mommy. Although since she is with J, I can't ask her to show me where it is this time.

So..... no card.....no gas.....no trip to heber.....no phone.....no playdates :(

Sarah, Robb, Melissa and Natalie........ come to me baby. I can't even call or communicate with any of you to let you know what's going on.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

For some reason, this is absolutely hilarious to me and I am laughing out loud as I type this. Sorry guys. Obviously my sense of humor has found it's way back home. I hope none of you get your feelings hurt too bad when I don't answer any of your calls or texts. LMAO.

If you do happen to read this, or anyone else for that matter.......come on over.  I'm cooking a yummy roast for dinner and obviously won't be going anywhere.  

P.S.  God totally has a sense of humor.    

Goals........

I am mad I sold my guitar..... I am going to buy a new one tomorrow.....

Apologize????

I know it's old, but so fits my life...... (plus, I'm old)

Tiffany my angel

Today was a good day..... and it started out with a jolting phone call from Tiff when I had planned to sleep the day away in despair.

The conversation went something like this:

Tiff: "Get up"
Me: "I'm sleeping"
Tiff; "I've had an epiphiny from Tiffany
Me: "Are you drunk"
Tiff: "No.... you have refused to label JJ as your boyfriend all summer. You have told us all that you are not in a "relationship" with him, when we all could see that you were.... why do you think that is......"
Me: "????????"
Tiff: "Because you KNEW this was coming..... you KNEW he was going to screw it up, so stop feeling sorry for yourself...get out of bed, and you have a hip hop class to be to in 1 hour.
Me: "I haven't had coffee yet, you better slow yourself down girlfriend...."
Tiff: "You better go make yourself some coffee and get your ass to hip hop"


Have i ever told you how much I love this girl????

She is my soul sista!!!! You are my angel TIff!!!!

My Girl

So, it's JJ's weekend with Sasha, which means I won't see her until Tuesday due to the way our days/weekends worked last year.  We haven't kept track of days or weekends for close to 8 months because most days we spent as a family, the 4 of us.

It is only 7PM and I am sick.  I miss my girl so bad, which in turn makes me miss the life I had become so accustomed to over the summer and had fallen very much in love with.

I just got back from the gym hoping it would be the distraction/release of anxiety needed to get me through the night.  However, it's not looking good considering we have not even been home an hour and as I write this, tears are rolling down my cheeks.

I don't feel strong enough for this.  Not today.  I keep trying to chalk it up to a bad day, but in reality i know it is because I have begun mourning the death of a marriage of hearts.  I am lost.... and starting to think that this is going to break me.

Please send positive energy.........my broken heart is loosing the will to keep beating and every breath I take reminds me that I am still alive, but in an alternate universe.  Today is the hardest day to date.

Breathe....

Morning Texts

I miss waking up to text messages in the morning.  :(

Waiting for the rain

I can't wait until it rains again....  I am dying to dance in the rain.

.

(and no, for those of you who are wondering, this is not a picture of me.... it is just a picture I absolutely love because it represents freedom and naked cleansing of the soul...... isn't it beautiful!)

Today I have had a flood of emotions.  Not prepared for any of them, but I'm starting to think that my present life consists of blindsided emotional moments.... "tests" so to speak.  I am wearing them the best I can and making the most of each opportunity as it comes into my life.  Although I am feeling week today, overall I feel stronger every day.

However, I need to thank a special someone for making yesterday unexpectedly fantastic.  You were just the medicine I needed.  Good Friends are Gold.  I love all of you.  Especially the ones that read in the shower.  :)