Apologize????

I know it's old, but so fits my life...... (plus, I'm old)

Tiffany my angel

Today was a good day..... and it started out with a jolting phone call from Tiff when I had planned to sleep the day away in despair.

The conversation went something like this:

Tiff: "Get up"
Me: "I'm sleeping"
Tiff; "I've had an epiphiny from Tiffany
Me: "Are you drunk"
Tiff: "No.... you have refused to label JJ as your boyfriend all summer. You have told us all that you are not in a "relationship" with him, when we all could see that you were.... why do you think that is......"
Me: "????????"
Tiff: "Because you KNEW this was coming..... you KNEW he was going to screw it up, so stop feeling sorry for yourself...get out of bed, and you have a hip hop class to be to in 1 hour.
Me: "I haven't had coffee yet, you better slow yourself down girlfriend...."
Tiff: "You better go make yourself some coffee and get your ass to hip hop"


Have i ever told you how much I love this girl????

She is my soul sista!!!! You are my angel TIff!!!!

My Girl

So, it's JJ's weekend with Sasha, which means I won't see her until Tuesday due to the way our days/weekends worked last year.  We haven't kept track of days or weekends for close to 8 months because most days we spent as a family, the 4 of us.

It is only 7PM and I am sick.  I miss my girl so bad, which in turn makes me miss the life I had become so accustomed to over the summer and had fallen very much in love with.

I just got back from the gym hoping it would be the distraction/release of anxiety needed to get me through the night.  However, it's not looking good considering we have not even been home an hour and as I write this, tears are rolling down my cheeks.

I don't feel strong enough for this.  Not today.  I keep trying to chalk it up to a bad day, but in reality i know it is because I have begun mourning the death of a marriage of hearts.  I am lost.... and starting to think that this is going to break me.

Please send positive energy.........my broken heart is loosing the will to keep beating and every breath I take reminds me that I am still alive, but in an alternate universe.  Today is the hardest day to date.

Breathe....

Morning Texts

I miss waking up to text messages in the morning.  :(

Waiting for the rain

I can't wait until it rains again....  I am dying to dance in the rain.

.

(and no, for those of you who are wondering, this is not a picture of me.... it is just a picture I absolutely love because it represents freedom and naked cleansing of the soul...... isn't it beautiful!)

Today I have had a flood of emotions.  Not prepared for any of them, but I'm starting to think that my present life consists of blindsided emotional moments.... "tests" so to speak.  I am wearing them the best I can and making the most of each opportunity as it comes into my life.  Although I am feeling week today, overall I feel stronger every day.

However, I need to thank a special someone for making yesterday unexpectedly fantastic.  You were just the medicine I needed.  Good Friends are Gold.  I love all of you.  Especially the ones that read in the shower.  :) 

The Butterflies are Born

A couple weeks ago, Zehn's teacher sent home 2 live caterpillars that if we cared for properly were supposed to turn into butterflies.  I was skeptical and frankly was not too happy that his teacher sent these home for me to be in charge of (yes, I know I am a grinch).  Anyway, much to our surprise.  They did exactly what they were supposed to do.

I was home alone when the first one was born.  I almost had a heart attack and called my mom at work for help.  Luckily she had a school teacher standing right there when I called who has done the butterfly experiment in her classroom.  My mom handed over the phone and she walked me through what to do....  which turned out to be absolutely nothing.  HAHAHAHa.  (except I did poke the butterfly with a pen to see if it was alive). 

Anyway, they both hatched and the kids were so excited.  Me, not so much because now I had to find a way to keep them alive.......................Well,

I failed....................

The butterflies didn't make it.   Zehn wants to keep one for a souviner.   I told him we could have a funeral in the yard.  These butterflies were doomed from the beginning anyway..... what teacher hatches butterflies in November anyway?????

 We are 0 for 2 right now.  The butterflies kicked the bucket and the jumping beans jumped away.  Z's teacher and I will be fighting if she sends home any more live experiments.

Back Posts

I know that a few weeks ago I made the claim that I was going to start back posting pictures and stories from this summer because this year had been the best year I have possibly had in a decade.  Well, in light of the situation as it has unfolded, i am not strong enough to go back through all those pictures and memories yet.  I think my time is best used "posting forward".  It is important for me to heal my body, mind and spirit through this life challenge.

I started with my body by taking some very very intense dance classes.  My body is always the last thing I take care of so I thought I would try something different this time.  It appears to be working well.  However, I find today is tough.  I am having emotions and feelings I was not wanting to feel even though I know they are part of the healing process.  I don't want to go to the gym, but feel like today more than any other it is probably important for me to go.

I am healing my mind by using my writing and words to quiet the noise.  It also has been working very well.  But again, today I am restless and feeling the void louder than I have the past 2 weeks.

So, I am moving to the next step... spirit.  My definition of spirit is more diverse and nontraditional than many I have grown up with.  My spirit is strong and I have a very intense spirituality.  The way I am going to feed my spirit right now is to focus on feeding positive energy back into the world.  I have another blog that I have not published yet that I am using for positive messages, quotes, and simple pleasures.  Although these other blogs are giving me a great deal of release and healing power, I am ready to take it to the next level.

So.... all this rambling does have a purpose.  Some of you know my goal and I have spoken with you about my "project" for over a year now.  I feel like the time is right for this "project" to be born. 

I need your help.  I need you to send me your favorite, most inspirational quotes, thoughts or anything that makes you smile in your heart.  This can be something that is inspiring, thought provoking or just plain happy.  I have a vision and am going to start building this for not only my spirit, but others. 

You can send me this info to my email
jenn.k.loves@gmail.com

I will give credit where credit is due as I build my new blog.  If you don't want me to use your name, please let me know that when you send me your info.  Thanks everyone for your help and support.  I can't believe the outpouring of love that has been handed to me these past 2 weeks. 

My Day

I had a fabulous day today, and I wanted the world to know.

Love - Jenn

Silver Sneakers.......

Stay tuned for the adventure of the morning.....  it's absolutely freakin hilarious (or at least we thought so... and we are the funniest girls on the planet)  I wonder how it's always Tiff and I that end up in these situations.

I love you Tiff-a-hiti.

You's my ninja